toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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