He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
