Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
