It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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