Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
