Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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