i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
