Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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