i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
