Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
