The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
