I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
being pregnant is like rehab
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
