Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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