I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
