he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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