1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
