Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
