My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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