Can Purell be used as lube?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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