I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
