True but thats because hes a fetus.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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