What a fucking waste of an outfit
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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