I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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