He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
