I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
