Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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