So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
