I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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