Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
