Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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