I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the day after is always just damage control
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
