Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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