just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
