This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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