Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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