My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
