The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
