But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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