i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
