You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you never un-have a 4some
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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