dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
These tits shall not be calmed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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