I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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