Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
