I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
