used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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