Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
