Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
