So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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