grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
