Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
