There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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