I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
