I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
