Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
