too bad you live with your parents still
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
