I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize