I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
