my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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