they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
