Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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