its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh god it's open bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
