if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
