I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
