I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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