happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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