I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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