i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
