you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
