it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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