Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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