Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize