How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
