i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Enjoy the penises
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
