She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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