every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
