More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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