So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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