just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
