Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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