I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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