I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
