I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
