We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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