Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
