just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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