so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
