i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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