Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
