We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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