i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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