we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
