haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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