it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
