:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
