He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
