he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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